THIS IS A TOP TEN LIST, YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

Top Ten Reasons Christopher Plummer as Captain Von Trapp is The Ideal Man:

1. Dude has seven kids.

2. He is an Austrian who resists the Nazis IN SONG. See 5.

3. Devastatingly handsome.


4. "Yes. Well, you can't marry someone when you're in love with someone else... can you?"

5. "My fellow Austrians, I shall not be seeing you again perhaps for a very long time. I would like to sing for you now... a love song. I know you share this love. I pray that you will never let it die." Gets. Me. Every. Time.

6. "You'll never be one of them!"

7.8. Phenomenal dancer.


9. Max: What's going to happen's going to happen. Just make sure it doesn't happen to you. Captain von Trapp: Max. Don't you ever say that again. Max: You know I have no political convictions. Can I help it if other people do? Captain von Trapp: Oh yes, you can help it. You must help it.

10.

THIS IS ANOTHER DYLAN POST.

New Album. April.

THIS IS A TOP TEN LIST. SOUND OF MUSIC EDITION.

My sisters and I used to watch this on a daily, nay, three-hourly basis, courtesy of taping it from television onto a VHS, and in later years, providing almost as much pleasure from the eighties commercials. One favorite:



But, without further ado, The Top Ten Reasons The Sound of Music is Flipping Awesome:

1. Christopher Plummer as Captain Von Trapp.

2. Life-long, unabating dress envy.



Hmm. On second thought the Sound of Music can probably be blamed for anything fucked up about my relationships with teenage boys.

3. The kids crying after Maria sits on the pinecone. Still hilarious. "Fraulein, is it to be at every meal, or merely at dinnertime, that you intend on leading us all through this rare and wonderful new world of... indigestion?"

4. My introduction to the wonders of sexual tension.


5. Having enough siblings to be able to march around like a real boarding school was my childhood dream. Also being incorrigible.

6. Old-school independent woman meets classic romance.


7."Oh, no, sir. I'm sorry, sir. I could never answer to a whistle. Whistles are for dogs and cats and other animals, but not for children and definitely not for me. It would be too... humiliating."

8. Fast-forwarding through "Climb Every Mountain."

9. The nuns stealing the transmission from the nazi's car.

10."Somewhere out there is a lady who I think will never be a nun!"

THIS IS YOUR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.

In honor of Erin, who I think should fulfill this fantasy before leaving her job. (Hers will probably involve more destruction of stupid flyers and shit) Also, I know I have been posting mad videos lately, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want!

Also, this contains profanity.



When grim reaper steps up what the hell you gonna do? Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

THIS IS SLEEPYTIME IN THE WESTERN WORLD.

I happen upon lyrics that are so eerily similar to my life sometimes:

Sleepin' through the afternoon
I just can't seem to leave my room
Waiting for the moon and a love so true
It's gonna see me through,
You know it's gonna see me through.



Courtesy of Blitzen Trapper.

Coming up on All These Things Twice this week: how to survive the gym with no ipod, reasons to quit your job, irish poetry, and ten reasons to love the sound of music. (Read, ten reasons that Captain Von Trapp is the most attractive nazi-fighting man of all time.)

THIS IS YOUR SWEET TOOTH CALLING.

Unfortunately my need for sugar is out of control in any financial situation.

On a related note, glorious hair, sugar, and girls destroying things. 

THIS IS AN AFTERTHOUGHT.

If loving sweaty, shirtless, homoerotic, drug-addled swedish boys who play upbeat versions of heart-breaking Dylan songs is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

THIS IS THREE THOUGHTS.

Three thoughts.

One. If you ever find yourself saying, "Maybe I'm just self-deluded, but..." I beg you, do not finish that sentence.

Two. Paradox, and closely related to one. Guys who already have girlfriends are super-comfortable and friendly around other girls.

Three. Watch Mad Men. Or don't because you will be sucked into an internet vortex that will incapacitate you beyond your ability to comprehend. It hurts so good, though.

And lastly, not a thought, but another gem from the sentimental archives. Cheesy eighties pop songs in the hands of country folkers, nothing like it. "The smile on your face lets me know that you need me" hook has been reverberating mercilessly in my head for days. Feel my pain, suckers.

p.s. This video is so amazingly bad I want to cry. Also, "Oh, mr. webster could never define, what's being said between your heart and mine." Best pick-up line of all time?

THIS IS SETTLING.

My obsession with Dylan has never extended to Jakob. But this is well, alright, just ok. But he's very cute, in a daddy issues sort of way. Homeboy looks like he needs some sleep. He can crash at my place!



I stole this from Beth. She's awesome!

But, compare it to this. Father really does know best.

THIS IS, ERM, IRELAND.

I was in Ireland last semester. I miss everything. Like Irish people saying erm between every word. Here are some pictures and some tall tales.

Point of information, learned all about St. Patrick in my Early Christian Ireland class, so I won't share with you all the ways in which he is not what you thought. But, he did write, "Sufficient is the honor which is not yet seen, but in which the heart has confidence." Which is nice.

(drinkin' bulmers, bein' cute)

This picture reminds me of The Wicked Wolf,  a pub near my dorm where many a Thursday was spent drinking pints and singing karaoke. This song will always remind me of Ireland for that reason. People chose to sing it constantly, with varying success. 

(sun, cows, stones)

(mad cliffs)

What do these boys, this song, and I have in common? Let's just say that the answer involves australians, guinness factory tour guides, this song being belted by drunk australian guinness factory tour guides, a stolen parrot, a missing sweatshirt, a dublin ghetto, and the legendary text, "you probably shouldn't have given us the benefit of the doubt." Also this song is played at the end of the night in practically every club in Dublin. 

THIS IS STRATEGERY.

If you have the broke and single blues, I suggest lots of reading and listening to music while eating candy half-naked. Also, this is why you should watch this show.



I am halfway through the best novel I have read in so long. It's called Half of a Yellow Sun. It's about Nigeria in the 1960's and it is stunning. A line that sticks in my head, about forgiveness: "What will you do with the misery you have chosen? Will you eat misery?"

I am also listening to the song "Gray or Blue" by Jaymay. It is a little treacly, but I like it. Also, the only full version I could find is entirely based on the (presumably) execrable romantic comedy Serendipity. I feel that there's a lesson here, something about the good and bad being more closely related than we have been led to believe.

I also read Capote's Other Voices, Other Rooms, this weekend. His prose is so perfect, it's unreal.

And, a little country-fried love from Lucinda Williams to keep those blues away.

Running, squandering full days watching tv, and guilt-free making out with strangers at parties are also good options. And cheap!

THIS IS FAVORITE WORDS.

Favorite Words by Girls Named J__.  Again, Thursday edition.

 

Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got.-Janis Joplin

You can't decide how you're going to die. Or when. What you can do is decide how you're going to live, now. -Joan Baez

I want to be strong, I want to laugh along/I want to belong to the living./Alive, alive, I wanna get up and jive/Wanna wreck my stockings in some jukebox dive.-Joni Mitchell

And, just because I love her:

"I guess I'm the world's first hippie pin-up girl."- Janis Joplin. Same here, my friend, same here.

THIS IS A TOP TEN LIST.

Top Ten Things I Think About (at) Pilates

1. Sandwiches.

2. My hatred of the song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." If there were ever a song I would go on a shooting spree for, this would be it.

3. "What does she mean, lift my bellybutton toward my spine? I'm lying on the ground! There's nowhere to put my bellybutton. Everyone else is doing it! Oh god, I can't even play a sport that revolves around leg lifts and stretching."

4. If you start laughing inwardly at your inability to "stack" your spine in pilates, can anyone hear you? The answer is yes.

5. Adult human beings should not attempt anything resembling a cartwheel.

6. Ditto anything called a "swan."

7. How much I hate songs from Wicked, and why, in the name of all that is holy, they would be part of an exercise routine. I drank the haterade for Wicked and I liked it, and I will not be swayed.

8. I want nothing to do with a pelvic floor.

9. Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Pizza. Sandwiches.

10. Belly-button has a mind of its own, apparently hates spine.

THIS IS A QUICKIE.

Favorite Words by Guys Named John, Thursday Edition

I find cheap populism oddly arousing.-John Stewart

All I can ask from society is that it please stop telling me why I should like sports. People always try to explain that sports are about a sort of mythic combat, or about the narratives and the stories. You know what? I've got narratives and stories and I don't need sports. -Jon Hodgman

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.-John Updike

For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.

Who are your favorite johns?

THIS IS EVOLUTION.

You may or may not find this interesting. But think of it as an alternative to making new year's resolutions or giving up stuff for lent. Instead you can congratulate yourself on your generous and evolving good taste.

Here are a few things that I used to hate and now love. Or kinda like, maybe, a little more than i used to.

1. Snickers. Plus coffee. I guess product placement too. 2. Classic rock. Well. The stones and the doors. 3. Boots. 4. Onions. 5. Dylan covers. But only really awesome ones. 6. Running. 7. Sandwiches. Not so much since I became a vegetarian. Bacon, you're always in my heart. 8. Bruce Springsteen. Love doesn't begin to describe it.

Most of these are about food and music. Make of this what you will. Also, a few things I used to love, and now hate:

1. Photobooth on macs. 2. Grey's anatomy. 3. Contacts. 4. Skittles.

And, a few things I hope to love forever:

1. Soft gray t-shirts. 2. Converse. I know they're ubiquitous and cheesy, but my love is pure.

3. Hopelessly bad country songs, and monumentally awesome country songs.

And finally: A glorious combination of categories one and three:

THIS IS A TUESDAY NIGHT.

Sometimes life is just a cliche. A delicious, delicious cliche. Anyone who wants to use the following as a screenplay, be my guest. I'm sure there is a market for the zany adventures of three college girls in search of an all-night diner in the wilds of lower merion county, pa.


So, we found The Quintisessential American Diner, its blue neon sign rising out of the Pennsylvania darkness. You're either the kind of person who likes diners or you’re not, and this one was perfect. Perfect, in that we were hungry and sleepy and needed a place to give us eggs and toast and lentil soup and french fries and grilled cheese with tomato and terrible hot chocolate in thick white mugs with whipped cream.


My friend Cea and I were abroad last semester, and kids, there ain't no diners in those parts. This one was a beaut—formica tables, tough waitress, after dinner mints and toothpicks at the counter.


Carry On My Wayward Son played, really. And then "Give A Little Bit."

(awesome original version, handsome singer, adorable sax player )

My friend Leah said, “You’re not thinking rationally. You just ate.” to general hilarity. Then we watched Office Space. And we could see the squirrels and they were merry.